Joe has gone to work!
You'll never know how glad that makes me. It means the house settles down and I can begin to think my own thoughts without constant interruption. It is amazing to me how much noise and disruption one person can make. Since he is on my list of bad people, I cannot help but wish he had gone on an 80 day trip around the world than just to work!
Much in this house is not right. A minor part of that is my housekeeping, but I keep plugging away at it and making progress, though my friend Cheryl and I seem to be the only ones to notice that. No, there is something much deeper, much more painful, and much stranger going on here. We are married now just about 39 months. And, one certain element, the one not to be forsaken except in times of extended prayer, has indeed been forsaken, almost from the very beginning. It drives me nuts but it seems to have no effect on him. Nothing seemingly is going to turn his interest towards me. If I bring up the subject, he treats me as if I'm a royal pain in the ass. How many men would be totally exasperated with a wife who would suggest a "nooner". Yet that happened in my house yesterday. And, his subsequent comments were not exactly uplifting. I have so much hurt and anger and disappointment and confusion buried inside of me and I don't know how to get it out. I pray for forgiveness, but.....how do I get this crap out of me. I can't even cry about it anymore. In some ways, I can't help but think it is better this way. He is either an incredibly clumsy lover or he intentionally hurts me. I don't know which. I've never been "accidentally" hurt so often in the course of lovemaking by anyone in my life and I have a significant sample size. So, I may be hurt and angry and disappointed and confused, but I'm not bruised and scratched and bitten, etc. There IS a silver lining to everything........
Well, I don't know what to do except to do my best with the day in front of me. So, I'll keep the praise and worship music playing and hope the Lord will plant a song in my heart. Focus on Jesus......it's the only way......
I tried to upload pages yesterday but it didn't take. I'll try again. Maybe we'll be more successful today.
Much in this house is not right. A minor part of that is my housekeeping, but I keep plugging away at it and making progress, though my friend Cheryl and I seem to be the only ones to notice that. No, there is something much deeper, much more painful, and much stranger going on here. We are married now just about 39 months. And, one certain element, the one not to be forsaken except in times of extended prayer, has indeed been forsaken, almost from the very beginning. It drives me nuts but it seems to have no effect on him. Nothing seemingly is going to turn his interest towards me. If I bring up the subject, he treats me as if I'm a royal pain in the ass. How many men would be totally exasperated with a wife who would suggest a "nooner". Yet that happened in my house yesterday. And, his subsequent comments were not exactly uplifting. I have so much hurt and anger and disappointment and confusion buried inside of me and I don't know how to get it out. I pray for forgiveness, but.....how do I get this crap out of me. I can't even cry about it anymore. In some ways, I can't help but think it is better this way. He is either an incredibly clumsy lover or he intentionally hurts me. I don't know which. I've never been "accidentally" hurt so often in the course of lovemaking by anyone in my life and I have a significant sample size. So, I may be hurt and angry and disappointed and confused, but I'm not bruised and scratched and bitten, etc. There IS a silver lining to everything........
Well, I don't know what to do except to do my best with the day in front of me. So, I'll keep the praise and worship music playing and hope the Lord will plant a song in my heart. Focus on Jesus......it's the only way......
I tried to upload pages yesterday but it didn't take. I'll try again. Maybe we'll be more successful today.
posted by Marci @ 10:16 AM
1 Comments:
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